Advice from a small town girl

I guess it’s time for an update on my health quest.

I’d really rather not.

I’d rather not partly because of the many unrealistic expectations I place on myself. Every day.

Instead of celebrating the 23 pounds I’ve lost, I feel as though I owe everyone else in the world an explanation as to why it hasn’t been 40. Or more.

The “smart” part of me knows that’s just dumb. The “dumb” part of me feels guilty for not being more successful.

That’s the part that seems to have the upper hand most of the time.

The part where all those voices hide. There’s the voice that tells me I’m lazy. There’s the voice that tells me I’ll never be a success (whatever that is!), and the voice that tells me that I’ll never be thin. That I don’t deserve to be thin, or successful, or happy.

We all have those voices. Some of us wear ourselves out trying to silence them by proving our worth. Others turn our backs on them by engaging in self-destructive behavior. It’s the rare individual who can just ignore them, who knows that they’re just ghosts.

There’s a wealth of advice out there on how to change your “self-talk.” I’d love to be able to say that it all works. Maybe it does. I’ve never been able to sustain self-affirming self-talk long enough to tell.

I’ve often said I need a keeper to help me keep my calendar. I also need a little angel on my shoulder to give me a nudge whenever I say, “Lise, you are so dumb!” or “What an idiot!” or just “Ick.”

This self-disrespect goes farther than that, too. I rarely accept a compliment with a gracious “thank you.” Instead , I usually manage to insult not only myself but the giver by denying that I deserve the compliment.

No matter how much I disguise my self-deprecation with humor, it’s still self-deprecation. And that’s not a good thing.

Fortunately, I have a friend.

I have a really good friend who doesn’t laugh when I’m mean to myself.

I have a friend who says, “Just say thank you.”

She says, “Stop that.”

She says, “That’s not true.

We all need a friend like that.