Advice from a small town girl

You may not have noticed this.

I like words.

Actually, I love words.

I love searching for, and especially finding, that exact word that can make my meaning clear.

Clear to me, anyway. Everyone else, not so much.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about words to live by.

“Could,” “should,” “can’t” and “won’t” are just a tiny part of that particular lexicon.

“Could” is such a hopeful word.

When I was young, I could be anything I wanted. I could grow up to be a forest ranger or an archeologist, a singer or dancer.

Well, probably not a dancer. I fell down a lot as a child.

Now that I no longer qualify as a young person, “could” has become a bit more problematic.

Many of the “coulds” of my childhood and school years have passed me by.

That doesn’t mean, however, that there aren’t a lot more “coulds” out there for me.

“Should” is a bit tougher, but only because the mule that lives in my head is determined that no one else is going to tell her what to do.

I “should” go to church on Sunday. I “should” eat less and exercise more. I “should” remember my friends’ and relatives’ birthdays.

“Should” would be a lot less of a problem, I think, if I turned all the “shoulds” into “coulds.”

“Can’t” is a double-edged sword.

It can be incredibly painful when “could” turns into “can’t.”

I can’t ride a horse any more, one of the things I enjoyed most when I was young.

I can’t be a marathon runner (not such a great example, since I never wanted to be one.)

I can’t get as much done in the garden as I used to be able to.

“Can’t” can also be incredibly freeing when “should” turns into “can’t.”

Such as: “I’m sorry, but I can’t make a quilt for your next fundraiser.” Or “I’m sorry, but I can’t work an extra shift this week.”

I’m sorry, but I just can’t raise and sell several thousand pounds of pumpkins and squash anymore.

“Won’t” is one of those words that tends to carry a negative connotation. It conjures up visions of that aforementioned mule.

But it serves its purpose as well.

There are occasions when you need to say “I won’t be spoken to like that.”

Or “I won’t allow myself to be taken advantage of anymore.”

(Not that I am taken advantage of, lest you think I mean that. In my world, the advantage-taking tends to go the other way.)

So, after considering these fine words, I have little left to say.

I could keep going in the same direction I’ve been headed for the past 40 years.

I should re-prioritize all the things I think I should be doing.

Then I could decide which ones I can’t do.

And which ones I won’t do.

Right.