Dear Santa, I'm sorry about the wiener dog

Last week, I made what I thought was an innocent, wholesome decision: I took my dog, Winnie, to get her Christmas photo taken with Santa at the local doggy day-care center.

I imagined a tasteful holiday keepsake. Maybe a gentle paw on Santa's knee. A framed photo I could send to relatives to prove I'm a functional adult with festive priorities.

Instead, Winnie treated Santa like an obstacle course.

The moment she was placed on his lap, she clawed at his beard like it owed her money, launched herself vertically, and then, without hesitation, went full tongue directly into Santa's nose. Not a li...